I’m not a poet, but I decided that I would try to parody one of the greatest Christmas poems ever for Cataclysm tonight.
‘Twas the night before Cataclysm, when all through the house
I was a-stirring and moving my mouse;
The banks were empty and sat there bare,
Knowing that Deathwing soon would be there;
The cats were cuddled up in their beds,
While visions of tuna danced in their heads;
And me still dressed, not wearing a cap,
Had just settled down for a long gaming night,
When out on the clock there arose such a clatter,
I sat up in my seat to see what was the matter.
I saw the time and ran really fast,
It was 11:15 PM and I needed my cash.
The moon at the Gamestop with no falling snow
Shown on the geeks sitting below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an open Gamestop, and 3 ready cashiers,
While still in my ride, a Lexus, so quick,
I knew in a moment it would be time to get it.
More rapid than eagles the cashiers they came,
And we whistled and shouted and called them by name;
“Now Deathwing! now, Thrall! now, Alliance and Horde!
On, Hunters! on druids! on, goblins and worg!
To the front of the cashier at the top of the mall!
Now come in! come in! come on in y’all!”
I knew really soon that I see my Hurricane fly,
And Typhooning people mounted up in the sky,
So up to the front the gamers they flew,
Where the boxes with games were waiting there too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard the cashiers did say
“Collector’s Editions can line up this way.”
As I moved into that line and jumped in with a bound
Soon, in the line everybody came ’round.
People was dressed all in fur from their heads to their foots,
And some clothes were all tarnished with drink and some food;
A box of games they held on their laps,
And they looked very scared while opening their packs.
Our eyes — how they twinkled! and boy, were we merry!
We wanted to really get our games in a hurry!
Our mouths were open, we were ready to go,
And our hands were nervous and white as the snow;
The crowd gatherer round as we clenched our teeth,
And we encircled the cashiers just like a wreath;
Many gamers had broad faces and big round bellys,
That really needed to stay away from the jelly.
I could not wait to get home to play my night elf,
And I laughed when I thought he would be a worgen himself;
A wink of the cashier’s eyes and a twist of his heads,
We knew that soon we would get it in our hands;
They spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all our hands and we ran off in a jerk,
And getting in my car and driving on home,
And speeding so fast, I knew it was close;
I sprang through the door and I gave a whistle,
And opened my box while my computer did whistle
But I then exclaimed, driving my cats out of sight,
“DAMN, I’M EAST COAST, IT WON’T BE ON UNTIL 3 AM TONIGHT.”